How to Hold Someone Accountable
Getting people to take accountability for their actions is a three-step process.
Sometimes I’ve struggled with holding others accountable. For example, I’ve had teammates who are incredibly driven and passionate about creating results but might plow over others like a bulldozer. Another example, I’ve established great friendships with teammates but they’ve turned into loveable slackers so it’s sometimes hard to call it out.
Does this sound familiar to you?
These situations can make holding others accountable incredibly hard. Here’s why we should care about accountability:
Avoiding difficult conversations robs our teammates of valuable insight into being their best self.
Not having the difficult conversation eats at us. There’s a psychological term for it: What we resist, persists. If there’s friction with you and another teammate, it will come out in other ways. They include body language, tone, and loss of trust to produce results.
It dilutes our ability to lead our team as others will see that you’re not holding others to the same values and eventually leads to a demotivated team.
For me, having a framework helps. A couple of years ago I finally found one and it works exceptionally well. It’s been 100 percent effective in having others take accountability and I feel good having said it. Here it is:
Say What Happened: Don’t go more than 24 hours but as soon as possible cite the specific situation that happened. We need to be very clear on what was done or what was said and keep it to one instance.
For example: When the meeting concluded on Wednesday and you told everyone you doubted the team’s ability…
Share How it Made you Feel: Specifically describe the consequence of action in how it made you feel. It needs to be more descriptive than “it made me feel mad”. We’re all in different parts of our journeys when thinking of others. Sometimes we’re up in our own heads because of external factors like issues at home or maybe we didn't get enough sleep the night before. Saying how a specific action made us feel can be enough to jolt others to remember how their words and actions affect others.
For example: When the meeting concluded on Wednesday and you told everyone you doubted the team’s ability…I felt mistrusted and discredited.
State Why it will have an Impact if the Behavior Continues: Painting a picture of your concerns or fears if the behavior continues helps the listener understand the potential future state of him/her/their being part of the team and status of your relationship.
For example: When the meeting concluded on Wednesday and you told everyone you doubted the team’s ability…I felt mistrusted and discredited… and I fear that if it continues to happen then it will damage our relationship and the trust the team has in you will be shaken.
When feedback is phrased like this, it’s amazingly effective and people take accountability for their actions and have a much greater chance to remember it next time they’re in that situation. They may even thank you for it after some reflection.
